Recipes for Lovemaking    

                                                                                       Fantasy     

   Fantasy: 'Playful Imagination...'   

                                         'A Daydream Satisfying Some Desire, Planned or Not'         

Fantasies. Everyone has them, in various degrees.

    Some are mild thoughts of a favorite actor, a friend at work or church. Some are of the very people these lovers happen to be with. (That is truly special).

Some fantasies are deeply erotic details with various partners. Some are just bodies you think about without faces. And some fantasies go outside the inner thought patterns attempting to create a live situation.

It could be simple erotic story telling to another partner. It could be playing with various types of props. Some like simple blindfolds for the mystery of what is to come next. Some like to experiment with various ways of being tied up. Some women even prefer to do the tying.

Some play with food of all sorts. The old "whipped cream" or "oil slides" still work for many couples.

Some prefer the cleaner roles of candles and a bubbly bath. Water, in all forms, can be a great erotic play tool a couple can practice with. There are gentle showers they can be in together just to feel one another and softly wash each others skin with. To be washed by someone else is a great thrill. Especially when it's done with finesse.

If you are someone who is new at the fantasy world, and you have a partner who is "anxious" to try a few things, you should at least hear him out. When men come to me asking what they can do to talk their wives or lovers into doing certain things just to enhance their lovemaking, my pat answer is to have them go and get the prop they want, (hopefully mild in appearance), and tell them gently as you massage them and gently kiss them on their necks and faces that you have been wanting to play with them a little more for a long time. And if they would be willing to just try one little thing for them. If it's ropes, you must first be sure it is soft and 'think nylon'. Or better yet, find a few wide soft ribbons, and gently tie their "wrists" only starting up at the forearm, and winding your way down. Be sure the whole thing feels loose and that they are not at all uncomfortable. Leave them lots of slack between their two hands so they won't feel TOO confined. And then tell them, that if they still feel uncomfortable with it you will stop. If you love your spouse or lover you will at least compromise on a couple little things to see if you both are "comfortable" with it.    

That is The Key Word: Comfortable

Everyone has different tastes, and desires. If you are feeling that you would be appalled at the thought of your spouse or lover "tying you up" at any point, and he really wants to try it, maybe you should both come to a compromise. You pick out the ropes or ribbon, and he will only try it once without pushing for more.

Men, I have found, tend to feel better about themselves when they can feel like they have the dominance over you in certain sexual situations. Other times they are perfectly fine with you both being equals in the bed. Or even you taking control. Some men love to feel dominated in bed. Especially the high pressured/high power executives who have had to make decisions all day. They are tired of deciding anything, and want someone else to make the decisions and do the controlling. The same can go for women.

But to add spice and fun that is safe and will not harm either of you, I strongly suggest you not be afraid of a few little experiments. I have seen too many men who are restless and tired of the "same routine" (as are WOMEN also). Then they tend to wander either in mind, or both mind and body. 'Ruts' can be very damaging to a relationship. It all just depends on what each of you have a passion for, and that you are not afraid to voice out that passion.

In one of my surveys, when I asked women of all ages what they would "not tolerate in the marriage bed", the number one answer was a "third person". I was intrigued that they generally felt that it was a real concern so much that they had to state it. Years ago the answers would have been quite different, believe me! Everything from variations from the standard missionary position to "experimentation" with "Oral Sex". For that was a very real concern with most married women in the 60's and 70's. These new answers gave me new evidence that there must be a lot of verbalizing going on in the bedroom between husbands and wives in (some) categories and not in others, and wives are generally feeling very threatened by this supposed fantasy their men must have.

It also tells me that they have evolved into a generation of comfort in other ways to play with their lovers. Most of their responses showed that they would be willing to share just about anything with their spouses but the "one" thing in the previous question.

There are some exceptions however that I wish to address. A lot of couples start verbal fantasizing with each other which is an excellent way of adding spice and communication to the love nest, (See Talk), and then one day one partner usually attempts to take it a step further by requesting to act out that particular fantasy. In most cases it should be "acceptable", if both are comfortable and it's between the two of you. That is the key, the two of you. In all the years I've talked and shared with other people, and have read and seen reports from sex counselors and physicians, it seems that there usually is always a "disaster" every time one partner tries to involve a third party to the love nest. With the exception of the Judeo-Christian beliefs that it is just wrong to ever involve anyone else in the sacred union between you two, I am referring to all the millions who still want to "try" it. But when they do, one partner gives in, reluctantly, and there are never any rules and boundaries formed, and then instant jealousies and hurt feelings occur. This type of activity usually never works out. And I suggest that unless you are committed fully to NOT being "fully committed"  (play on words), then you might be able to swing it (no pun). But just remember that everything you read about in books and magazines, and see portrayed in "movies", no matter what the rating, is purely for some sort of entertainment. As most of you (should) know, true life is usually NEVER the same as what we read about. Which is why we have those outlets. For fantasy, and entertainment.  Usually NOT to be carried out live. I have only seen a hand full of "healthy" couples (whatever that means), ever able to pull this off and still stay together.

But for those who have mastered learning to indulge each other, totally, I applaud you immensely. For it takes a ton of work to be in "tune" with each other so much, and be able to "change the channel" for a new episode each time you are together physically. 

If you aren't comfortable with anything at all, try asking yourself why?  Is it simply the fact that nice girls don't partake of that sort of behavior? Is it because your mother or another older female relative has taught you that young ladies should only be a caring nurturing wife and mother, and that activity is not necessary? (See Sensual Seniors)  There are lots of women out there who are shocked that I would even suggest that they try anything at all with their spouses or lovers. Some won't even meet their men half way. Some men want only the slightest little change or tease, like a couple pieces of sexy underwear. Some women even find this appalling. That they must "lower" themselves to have to give "in" to any of these requests. I'm telling you, that you are truly doing yourself a great disservice. If you expect your "man" to be totally "into" you at all times for the REST of your life, in mind and body, then you will be greatly disappointed. Again. I am not talking about the "handful" of men out there who are cut from a different piece of cloth. They are the rare species who "worship" their women, and think of no one else. They can't even "look" at another woman even after 50 years of marriage. I say if you are married to someone like that, then you better "cherish" this gift you have been given. For it is extremely rare!  And to the rest of you...don't count on this being YOUR husband! 

Whatever your fantasy, be sure to feel free and guiltless. For once you two begin to venture out to the sensual journey of fantasy, there is no going back. If it's done right. And lovingly done between the two of you.

What are your thoughts?

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